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| Monday, February 28, 2011, 9:15 PM |
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disappointing... he had became so insecure and all that action that derived from his insecurity is making no sense at all.
the first time i know him, smart young man. Full of confident and a gentleman and now a man full of exploitation. Although i have change over the years, but i always i have change for the better. I know what i want in life and i am going for it. well, on opposite; HIM. Is standing there and not moving. Maybe it because he got too much free time that he let this sense of insecurity usurp him. This piss me off big time. When he need help financially, i am there instantly. For a calculative woman like me, i should have charge him interest rate. Well, i never did. He took his own sweet time in returning me. On the second round of money lending again, he promise me a full return plus and LV bag. And even include my trip to paris to buy it. After i sort of told him that he is not good enough for me as a prospect husband. He immediately took back his words. "what a jerk!" so that means he is habouring the thought that i would return to him and hence plus the incentive. Once he know that its impossible, he drop all his promises.
I don't blame him of course, just that i am glad i have already left him. this kind of man would not lead me in anything. He kinda hook up with another lady and got jerk off as well. He is blaming the whole world, what a useless cunt. And after my "consultation", he is able to stand up and try to take advantage of me in the cab. WTF. GET A LIFE! YOU USELESS CUNT!
Looks can be deceiving, so ladies, watch out! he is out hunting for you girls at the clubs. I am like WTF, he don't even club. He went clubbing just to extend his social network of gf hunting. It will always end up in a circle mate. You need God, you dun need a woman.
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| Sunday, September 05, 2010, 5:57 AM |
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this weekends has been the most "brainstorming" weekends i ever had. Not brainstorming about work stuff but my next step.
After attending a church service, i been even sure about my conviction of a huge change in my life. well, it take time to make it happen. I have 2 more years to do that. hopefully to return with a glorious victory...
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| Saturday, September 04, 2010, 6:23 AM |
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"there is no need for such a drama" keeps ringing in my head, i recalls my actions and wonder am i causing such a drama. maybe i was, but thats because i care. And it hurts, i could not think, i could not sleep. Anguish and pain consumes me as i visualize the scene that may went through. "you make yourself angry, you hurt yourself", Is that all? i wonder. But the truth is the truth. i let myself go, i should have known. How can you say this words to me?
i always knew things are never gonna last forever,but why keep trying hard to make my hope dash. All i want is to enjoy the moments. That all i have for now, beautiful moments that is to become memories... All the things i have now, are they going to disappear? i can never tolerate the thought of having nothing, going back to square one, from where i came from? i will do anything to keep my life as perfect as they are. you are protecting yourself, but what about me? you want to do it first, you think i can get over it because i am still tender.
well... maybe i should let things sink a little. You know i can do it. well, at least i tell myself that...
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| Tuesday, July 13, 2010, 5:49 AM |
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i am under a financial crisis... and it won't resolve until the root of the problems is solved.
and the root is him. i have a huge amount of money sitting there and not coming in yet. Although i am not urgently in need but i can feel the urgency if the problem is not resolved quickly.
this uncertain feeling had to come to a end.
I want a stable life.
i do not want to touch my saving just to save your ass again and again.
yet, i can't let you drown. if u drown, i will eventually drown too.
God, please help us. at times like this, only u can.
as i step into this world, many dirty character of people unfold.
i feel disgusted, yet grateful that i am able to experience and learn.
as i walk through this life, the voice of what pst had taught rang through my ears
"Influence or be influence"
i began to remember how people are impressed by me. A woman young at age, yet behave and think mature. I am able to adapt and mingle with the adults as old at late 50s and have a enjoyable decent chat at the same time.
i see people, blinded by money. the thirst of power.
Money is important but not as important.
I believe money is important. i work for money. i crave for power.
yet, my character, must not be compromise.
I do hope i am not lost in this world.
I can still find Jesus in this world, in my heart.
i had not been activity reaching out as i used to.
I have not been praying fervently as i used to.
I have him in my heart, one day, i believe i will shine again.
i will win the world for you , Jesus.
i may not win all, but i will try my best.
Help me to believe i can.
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| Saturday, June 05, 2010, 8:48 PM |
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today is a wonderful day. its my number six day at perth. I will be here permanently for a year. Its been a sunday today, i am already so bored.
Maybe i should walk or try talking a bus to the city.
Its doesn't seem so far off, probably will take an 1/2 time to reach.
i should get a book and start reading, if not life would be so boring. I guess theres pretty much things for me to do like going upstairs for a gym or for a swim. *but there is always a "but" exist.
i am going to cook some lunch soon.
Hopefully i can find myself another beautiful apartment to stay.
Tonights theres gonna be a party, hopefully it will occupied some of my boredom space.
I just wanna lie down and be lazy... Gavin is not ard anymore. he can't drive me ard. Guess i will have to walk or learn how to catch a bus.
I miss home he 1st two day i arrived. but now, everythg seems ok. i had not called home yet.
Hopefully, they won;t be too worried about me.
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| Wednesday, May 19, 2010, 11:51 PM |
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I love hate my job. Lately i begin to wonder if i should continue to stay...
my "assistant" msg me and told me they are doing sort of freelancing designing. 1st thought ran through my mind, you guys are using my works as a portfolio. And i wonder do i get any credit in return.
I was just ranting to R and i feel so much better. its ok being taken advantage off. God will give back the credit to me somehow.
Hate being stealing credit and claim as their own. But what to do, its human.
Eventually i wanna buy my own land, build my own resort.
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| Sunday, March 28, 2010, 8:04 AM |
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such an asshole..
U R DROPED!!!
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